Happy Anniversary!

“There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after.”

The quote above, taken from The Hobbit, has proven to be my truth here at the beach.  We came here to rest our souls after the ladder experience.  This process, this healing time, has had the odd effect of erasing my creative.  It completely disappeared, instead becoming a blank white page. White noise.  A vast nothingness.  These days shooting photographs doesn't come easy but I do it anyway.  It may only be a sunrise, a wave, a pelican but I do it in order to remember the process, to keep my skills as fresh as possible.  Quite simply, oddly, photography is not the passion that it was Before Ladder.  At least for now.

Today, March 8, marks the one year anniversary of our arrival at Kure Beach, North Carolina.

Our first few months here were idyllic.  Spring 2012 was pleasant with abundant sunshine.  Lugging chairs to the beach we would simply sit and stare out over the ocean, watch the birds, watch the fishermen and locals who walked along the sparcely attended shoreline.  Once, we witnessed the process of evaporation - moisture rising off the ocean, cooling the air - and felt its immediate effect.  Sometimes we would talk but more often our companionable silence stretched long and deep.  Sinew by sinew my back, shoulders and neck relaxed, gradually, bringing daily noticeable differences.  Sleep was deep and sound.  Solitary meditative beach walks matched the rhythm of the tides - slow, deliberate, silent.  Collecting beach treasures became my new passion. 

And why?  Why collect bits of nature?  Why do I relish the feel of a barnicle-crusted old shell in my hand?  Why must I collect fossilized teeth, bone and barbs? Why do I feel the need to display them, touch them over and over, inhale their briny scent?

I think it's because I'm collecting pieces of myself.

Treasures that interest me are not the usual shells but those that are worn.  Pieces, even. I was worn upon arriving here, and in pieces. 

Initially, I became passionate about pieces of clam shells.  I didn't know at first what they were, but stripes of deep purple, lavender and mauve undulating through smooth creamy pieces caught my eye. I found one.  Then another, and another, and another. Before long I had quite the collection, and they are now proudly displayed in clear glass vases and bowls.

Clam shells are common along the shoreline but they aren't particularly pretty.  Clunky, brown things like a horse's hoof can be readily found any given day.  However, these clunky brown shells contain a miracle within.  As the surf and currents pound them up over time they break up, the brown parts break off and the inner bits of shell are polished by the ocean and sand into these creamy purply bits of loveliness. 

I like to think that's happening to me, to my soul.  The brown, clunky, tired, weary soul I dragged to this place is gradually breaking up, being polished, exposing a soft loveliness inside.

Having always been active and creative, goals were penned before coming here.  More photography, volunteer with the turtle project, write a book, join a land trust, journal and meditate, learn yoga and Reiki. 

However, what I did instead was simply stop.  Stop.  I stopped and I breathed.  At first, my lungs always felt like I'd been swimming when all I did was walk the beach.  The fresh salt air scrubbed my lungs.  Walking serpentine sands strengthened my back, my legs and I turned tan and my hair lighter. My long-neglected body finally felt firmer, felt better, felt healthier, felt rested.

So it has been a year and I think I'm finished resting. I'm beginning to feel the pull of my creative and wonder what direction it will take me.  It's time to begin filling in that blank white page.

The Creative Heart

Heart-shaped leaf in the birdbath

Long ago a friend told me that she could always tell when her daughters were about to go though a growth spurt.  Their little bodies would began to visually thicken, expanding outward, building deep within before - whoosh! - growing several inches or more within a short amount of time.  This "thickening" was a signal to her that new clothes would soon be needed as her precious daughters grew up.  

What a wonderful analogy for Life itself.  This long ago conversation came to me recently when trying to describe my current status.  A Thickening.  I'm in the midst of my own personal, creative thickening.  

Everyone goes through this I'm sure, but I know this phenomena definitely occurs when it comes to artists and their work.  Painters, musicians, photographers, everyone who dabbles in a creative hobby or business experiences a down time.  This is a time to observe and meditate.  A time to explore and dream.  A time to open our hearts to different pathways.  A time to rest and absorb.  

I believe this thickening time important for the creative process.  As frustrating as it has been for me lately, I finally figured out that this down time is necessary.  Many friends have told me this but it seemed so that I was losing myself, my creative.  As Bart Simpson would say "...Doh!"  As my favorite season approaches and the dry drought heat of summer diminishes it is a relief to realize that I'm in the midst of a thickening.  What a lovely time to be resting, absorbing, observing, meditating, dreaming and exploring!  Welcome Autumn!

The Creative

Man, I am so struggling.  My Creative is in Stuck Mode.  From time to time a burst of Creative will happen and then it's gone...like a thought.  What the hell?  I don't mean to whine.  Really.  I don't.  Here's a burst of the Creative that happened last week:

There was this teeny tiny moth outside on the bubble glassed panel that runs the length of our front door.  Our porch is dark, shaded, protected, and this little moth was resting there.  Slipping outside I crept closer and closer shooting as stealthily as possible.  I shouldn't have worried.  She wasn't bothered by my presence.

Because the porch is dark and shaded this was the best shot I could get.  I couldn't possibly bother to set up the tripod.  When the Creative shows up it's best not to delay.  It's the action that counts, and these images are okay.  The simplicity.  The little feathery antennae.  Feeling a tad more blissful I came inside, turned around to close the door.  I could still see the little moth from the inside.

The bubbly glass made the moth look like she's under water, and the light from within the house brightened up her colors.  How pretty!  It all depends on one's point of view, doesn't it?

Outside looking in or inside looking out.  The moth is the same but the images are completely different.  This wonderful hobby of photography has helped me truly "see" our world in many ways.  That my Creative will return I've no doubt.  You see, Autumn is coming and Autumn is my favorite time of the year.  Crisp air, bright skies, changing light - ahhhhh, changing light!  Gotta go chase it.

Brand New Day

Finally, a spark of creativity.

This experiment reminds me so much of my late mother-in-law's watercolor paintings.

The more I played the more the magic happened.

There are about thirty in the set, each special in its own way.

Finally, creativity. You can see more on my Facebook if you wish.
(click the link on my FB button, in the right column)

Down to the Bones

Times come where one must simplify and get down to the bones of life.

Many of you know that I read Robert Genn's Twice-Weekly Letters, which arrive in my Inbox with blessed regularity. His last missive was titled "Finding Your Voice." A reader sent Robert a query involving finding one's voice. Mr. Genn's answer began with this: "First off, and contrary to what I've said before, plans can actually derail the voice-finding process. Further, you have to know what you mean by "voice." Voice in style is different than voice in cause. Ideally, style develops over time. Cause is based on attitude and issue. With growth and development, causes change. A predetermined voice shackles creativity."

Robert's novella was ripe with knowledge, which I won't go into here, but will share four points that were highlighted. For those of you who aren't familiar, Robert Genn is a painter and his Twice-Weekly letters mainly focus on painting and the overall creative. I have found his wisdom to be extremely illuminating, touching all manner of subjects not related to painting in and of itself.

That said, he listed 4 things to help one find one's voice:

1. You need to make stuff.
2. You need hunger.
3. You need curiosity.
4. You need joy.

Plans can indeed derail the voice-finding process. In my case, the fear and drudgery of all things non-creative - the business side - has caused paralysis and sucked the joy right out of my craft. Also, a constantly changing home life - destabilization - gives little time for creativity. I'm off balance.

Robert ends with his usual piece of Esoterica, as follows: "What's my voice?" has to be asked by each individual artist. Committee-free, the artist needs to develop her voice as if on an island. To be a voice is to be a different voice, set apart, unique. How to find it? Go to your island, put in long hours, fall in love with process--your voice will come out of your work."

I'm thinking long hours in a peaceful surrounding, perhaps at a local convent or park, would be helpful. "Away" seems to be the best option. Peace and quiet, reflection, journaling and nature calls to me.

Cause for concern is that my camera never leaves its case these days. The last time I visited the lake it sat in the same spot I plunked it upon arriving, never moving until I left 3 days later. Further, it never crossed my mind. Upon leaving I realized it was there and was startled to realize that I'd forgotten about it entirely.

What do you do when you feel you've lost all four points, above?

Live your best life

"The best things are nearest: breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of God just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things of life."

Robert Louis Stevenson

Creative Slump

I cannot seem to shake this creative slump I'm in. I've no interest in taking photos or writing. Part of the reason is that my car is sick and we're not going to repair it because it's old with high mileage and the repairs would be in the thousands. So, I'm trapped at home unless the hubby or daughter are home and I can use one of their cars. Long story. I love my house on the water so at first this wasn't much of a hardship. However, over time I've started feeling trapped. I'm used to taking spur-of-the-moment adventurous road trips in my trusty All Wheel Drive Subaru Forester (love that car) and discovering places I've never seen. I can't do that now. Yes, I can take photos of the water and sunrises and all that stuff but I've "been there, done that" and am feeling the call of the wild. I can't even go see the pelicans or drive to the dam and watch the cormorants. I'm home bound. It's messing with my mind and my spirit.

I was whining recently to my artistic road trip buddies, Carroll and Bobbie, and one of them threw me a challenge. She basically kicked my butt and told me to start photographing things I'm not used to photographing. Mundane things that normally hold no interest for me. Be creative with the mundane. Yeah, yeah...I know, I know. Preaching to the choir. She threw down the gauntlet. "Send me creative photos of SHOES."

Well, I didn't do it. One morning she sent me this missive; "I've rushed to my computer every day, anxiously awaiting shoe photos. I imagined a shoe in a tree, a shoe peeping from beneath a big rock, empty, ragged shoes walking down the middle of the road, and on and on. Where are they?? Come on, Debi, show some sole! If shoes don't spur your creativity, find some lizards :)" I laughed out loud!

It was raining, but I immediately donned my rain jacket and L. L. Bean dog-walking shoes and went outside. This oily puddle beckoned. In 5 minutes I was back inside downloading the first spur-of-the-moment photos and sent it to Bobbie. My first thought was "good, now she'll stop bugging me," but I really want her to bug me. She wrote back "That is so great! Debi, do you see how the scalloped-like trim on the shoe matches the patter of the water? And the face is incredible! I know you see the face at the toe of the shoe. Turn the photo upside down and the shoe becomes the "hair" of the face. The face in the water reminded me of someone, and THEN I remembered -- looks strikingly like Wilson in Castaway!!! There is a lot of stuff in that photo and it's all good." Bobbie is a painter and has a wonderful sense of color and playfulness. She saw something that I didn't see.

Creative people need coaches and cheerleaders. Artists, photographers, writers, designers, gardeners, cooks, weavers, quilters, sculptors, architects and managers - all of us create on some level. We each get into creative slumps and need people to shake us up. One cannot create in a vacuum, one needs input and fresh air, new surroundings, and occasionally a kick in the pants. Thanks, Bobbie, for a must needed boost.

Virginia Sweetspire in Autumn's blush

Autumn brings such joy. Yes, the trees and shrubs are going to sleep for the winter, but while they slumber above their roots are stretching and growing beneath the surface, ensuring a surge of physical growth next year. This transition is necessary for most plants though there are some who do not require it depending upon the variety and zone. I'm not talking about annuals, of course and this isn't really about Botany anyway. For most plants downtime is necessary for future growth.

This truism translates well into the human existence. Quiet, reflective time is necessary for our bodies and souls. An artist cannot create their art without allowing time to stop and soak up Life experiences. A writer cannot write without observing and experiencing the ebb and flow of our world. To do these things one must make time to sit and look or read, smell, hear and taste. A song writer and musician eventually must face that blank page, which may come after months or years of touring. That is the time one creates, and is the time most fear, but it indeed comes at a time of stillness. This is probably why Sting won't stop touring as he's admitted a fear of that blank page, but I digress. Time of reflection, observation, meditation, reading, listening, tasting, hearing and really seeing is mandatory for our inner expansion and awareness.

It is in those quiet moments that our ideas and thoughts begin to stretch and grow beneath the surface so when the spring of our creativity comes these ideas are ready to burst forth into the world much like the flowers we so adore.

Inspiration

Ah the wars they will

be fought again

The holy dove

She will be caught again

bought and sold

and bought again

the dove is never free.

Ring the bells that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack in everything

That's how the light gets in.

Leonard Cohen

I love these lyrics, which were recently highlighted on one of Robert Genn's newsletters. Art needs time and input to develop within us, much as a soup has to simmer to allow flavors to blend. Everything we do affects our art, be it photography, painting, music, writing, stitching, sketching, cooking, whatever our individual craft. In addition to the hard wiring of our genetics, the imperfections of the day to day instills our distinctive character into our works.

Too many times I've dismissed a photograph or a paragraph because I deem it not worthy to share. "It's cracked," I'm thinking. "No one will like this," I'm positive. "This was a waste of time," I tell myself. However, Mr. Cohen has it so right. There are no perfect offerings, and our perceived imperfections are what allows our creative lights to shine.

Embrace your imperfections and cast them into the light. (...yes, I'm talking to myself)

July Photo Swap

Yesterday I received my first Scent of Water Photo Swap package in the mail. Oh, I am not worthy! Leanne at The Stitching Room neatly packed several photos, one in a frame, a couple of her cards and a darling handmade notebook. She took some phenomenal photos to interpret the July theme "In Motion." Naturally, the nature pics grabbed my attention first - water flowing around rocks in a stream. However, the one that makes me stare at it and daydream is one that captured fire licking around pieces of wood. Campfires are a favorite activity of mine. I could watch them forever, poke at them and watch the ends of the sticks glow in the night. She captured some unique shots of the everyday - an umbrella in the rain, underneath which is her son running. It's unearthly and awesome. For the cooks among us a delightful capture of a kitchen concoction being stirred, which is buttery and creamy. My daughter in particular loves the shots she sent of an amusement park. The handmade notebook feels good in my hand, and will fit nicely in my photo bag to jot down notes about my work.

This was my first photo swap and I can see I need to step up more. The poor recipient of my gift received a handmade card and two photos. It's definitely time to get more creative.

What I've enjoyed about the photo swap is observing the talents and interpretations of a theme, and the sharing and delightful comments from people across the globe who enjoy playing with their cameras. Shooting around one topic made me think differently about the way I photograph objects. I didn't want to do it the same old way so I experimented with all manner of manual settings and positioned myself differently to get shots. It was a terrific exercise, and I'm grateful to Diane at Alberta Postcards for inviting me to join the group. It was a kick!

Now.......I'm ready for the next topic. Bring it on.

Inside

"Inside my head's a box of stars I never dared to open."

Sting

I grew up knowing in my heart that I was not creative. Shy, submissive, quiet, wallflower - that was me. Creative people got attention and I was uncomfortable with attention. Fast Forward to Today. As much as I enjoyed my childhood, I am really enjoying my age. No, not the new aches and pains but the freedom from caring what people think and a joyful sense of Self as I embrace my creative side. The sense of fear has been replaced by a sense of utter joy. Writing, photography, graphic arts, blogging, gardening, cooking, parenting...breathing.

It didn't happen overnight nor did it occur in a vacuum. I had a lot of help. Key were my parents who loved me and launched me with all the resources they had at the time. My father taught me to appreciate the wilds of nature while through my mother's eyes and ears I became aware of the smallest flower, a songbird's heartbeat and the sound of cicadas. They're still here for me. Throughout my journey of growth teachers and bosses granted me opportunities and encouraged me to create. Today, my friends give me wings and help me find my true path, my husband is my cheerleader and main support, and my daughter pushes me to try new things. Music releases my inhibitions and certain artists speak to my very soul. Sting, Chris Botti, Dominic Miller - whose works you hear on my blog - are keystone artists in my life. Life is good and I am creative.

"Outside the stars are turning."

Thanks, Sting.

The Lake

"A lake is the landscape’s most beautiful and expressive feature. It is earth’s eye; looking into which the beholder measures the depth of his own nature. The fluviatile trees next the shore are the slender eyelashes which fringe it, and the wooded hills and cliffs around are its overhanging brows." Henry David Thoreau

I love living on water. The sights and smells and noises have become part of me. This place has given me inspiration, unleashed creativity and catapulted me out of myself, revealing the spiritual well within my soul. I cannot imagine another place that fits me better than here, on the water, surrounded by nature.