Challenge

 "The trash and litter of nature disappears into the ground with the passing of each year, but man’s litter has more permanence."

John Steinbeck

It's past time to get off my butt and get back to picking up other people's nasty butts.  Cigarette butts, that is.  They are everywhere.  Flicked out of windows, rubbed out underneath flip flops, stuck bottom-side-up in the sand.  The smell of tobacco rivals the scent of salt water as this beautiful beach remains a smoking beach.

The determination to begin this project again comes at the urging of friend and new Life Coach, Bo Mackison.  Bo is trying to jump start my creative again.  We agreed that this project is a good way to get my feet wet...and sandy...and do some good.

Consider these statistics, all of which vary slightly according to sources.  I imagine these decomp estimates must be taken with a grain of salt.  Bright, hot sunshine and fresh air hastens the process while junk buried underneath sand and soil or waves enjoy a much longer process of decomposition...if ever.  Still, all are lengthy regardless:  (oceanconnection.org, thegoodhuman.com)

Paper towel - 2-4 weeks
Paper bag - 1 month
Apple core - 2 months
Cigarette butts - 1-5 years
Milk cartons - 5 years
Plastic six-pack holders - 400 years
Orange and banana peels - 2-5 weeks
Balloons - 6 months
Plastic coated paper - 6 months
Tinned steel can - 5 years
Plastic bags -  20-1,000 years
Aluminum cans - 50 years
Wool socks - 1-5 years
Plastic bottles - 450 years
Nylon string - 600 years
Leather - 50-80 years
Glass bottles - 1,000 years

My friend, Danielle, at It Starts With Me has been logging trash and cigarette butts for quite some time now.  My intentions to help her came from a good spot in my heart but I was simply unable to carry the action forward in positive fashion.  I'm coming clean.  In more ways than one.  I mean to do this.  It's good for me and it's good for the ocean, for our planet.  Moreover, it makes me feel like I'm doing something, however small my contribution. 

Sea turtles cannot distinguish between a free-floating plastic bag and a jellyfish, its usual diet.  Birds and turtles, dolphins and whales - creatures of sea and of earth - are filling up on our refuse and dying all around this planet of ours.  And we call ourselves sentient beings, humans.

Edited to "Fossils" by Aoife O'Donovan

The Unfinished Garden

Like the plough mud that ribbons through salt marshes the Carolinas tend to seep into your pours, invade your nostrils and stick to your shoes.  Visiting lush gardens, walking shell-lined beaches, feasting on crab cakes, riding ferries and tasting salt air is wonderful, but  I have a deep need and desire to know this place on a deeper level.  To do so I am compelled to read  Carolina authors who have lived these rhythms and know them best.

If you are ever lucky enough to visit Wilmington, North Carolina you simply must experience Two Sisters Bookery.  Located at the Cotton Exchange, close to the Cape Fear's Riverwalk, a tinkling bell gently announces your arrival as you step into a world of magic.  Books.  Real books.  Ink and paper books.  Books that give off the aroma of knowledge and wonder.  Books that make me weep, they are so beautiful.  Carroll and I traveled in Daris the Yaris through rainy roadways to experience Two Sisters Bookery during her stay back in February.  There, we stretched our time and imagination in this place of old wood and bright colors.  Eventually, we ended up at  the register - Carroll's arms filled with gifts for her niece while my own were achingly empty.  Though on the hunt for a good book, nothing had yet seemed right ... until we arrived at the counter.  There, to the left of the register was a shelf laden with new books and books by local authors, many bestickered with "Autographed Copy" in hopes of grabbing attention.

There it was - my first book.  It was not beachy as I'd been craving but was instead gardeny.  The title and cover begged my attention.  "The Unfinished Garden," by Barbara Claypole White - an Englishwoman now living in North Carolina.  England?  North Carolina?  Gardening?  Perfect.  After skimming the back cover I snatched it off the shelf and offered the owner payment.  I'm not a polished book reviewer at all but simply must tell you about this book and how it made me feel.  Bear with me.

 The Unfinished Garden

 Barbara Claypole White

"The Unfinished Garden" is about two fractured people - Tilly and James, and takes place amid gardens in both North Carolina and England.  Supported by a fascinating cast of fringe characters we learn Tilly is broken by loss and James is broken by OCD.  While Tilly is a fascinating character in and of herself I was completely riveted - spellbound - by James.  OCD, or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, has affected the lives of several of my friends.  While I've been understanding and nod my head at all the proper times  there is no way in hell I can ever truly "get" what it's like to have OCD.  Barbara Claypole White paints a vivid picture of what James goes through on a daily basis as he struggles with his wayward brain.  Page after page revealed what my friends surely must go through daily and for the rest of their lives.   The mental image of how James' brain makes him walk through a field dotted with dandelions is one that will stay with you forever, along with his explanation to Tilly's son Isaac as she overhears.  

Mind, I also developed a huge crush on James so that may play some part in my love of this book.  How I can have a crush on a book's character attests to the skill of Ms. Claypole White's writing.  The dance Tilly and James play as their relationship grows is reminiscent of another favorite of mine long ago, "The Shell Seekers."  I couldn't put this book down, and even dreamed about it.  It's a story that changes the colors, the sounds, the smells of your world for a while.  Those of you with a deep abiding love to read must curl up with this book on a rainy afternoon, a favored quilt over your lap.  Rich storytelling, lavish scenery and a storyline that grabs from the beginning, The Unfinished Garden shares the story of two broken people who find each other and come together despite the odds.  A simple plot, an old plot, but a great plot done extremely well.

Finishing a good book makes my teeth hurt.  It's simply over.  Just like that.  It's plain painful.  For weeks James and Tilly just wouldn't leave me alone.  They were always nearby like my shadow in late afternoon.  So I did what any sane person would do - I wrote to Barbara Claypole White.  Yes, I did.  I went to her website and spilled my guts - told her how much I loved her book and  that I wasn't ready for James and Tilly to go away.  I want more.  I want to know what happens to them.  Incredibly, she wrote me back.  After several volleys of e-mails, (I am very grateful she doesn't think me a stalker,) I think she understood just how touched I was by her book.  Ms. Claypole White shared with me that James and Tilly won't leave her alone either and she hopes to write a sequel.  As an aside I discovered that like me, Barbara Claypole White works to a playlist.  Yes!  Other people DO that!  If you are so inclined please visit her website and read REAL reviews by actual writers and discover  "The Unfinished Garden" for yourself.  Check out her playlist, too.

Oh, and she shared with me the song that may be inspiration for the sequel  ... but my lips are sealed...

My stack of books.  Each captivating and worthy of their own post.  

I'm buying books at a fevered pace.  You've been warned...

Happy Anniversary!

“There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after.”

The quote above, taken from The Hobbit, has proven to be my truth here at the beach.  We came here to rest our souls after the ladder experience.  This process, this healing time, has had the odd effect of erasing my creative.  It completely disappeared, instead becoming a blank white page. White noise.  A vast nothingness.  These days shooting photographs doesn't come easy but I do it anyway.  It may only be a sunrise, a wave, a pelican but I do it in order to remember the process, to keep my skills as fresh as possible.  Quite simply, oddly, photography is not the passion that it was Before Ladder.  At least for now.

Today, March 8, marks the one year anniversary of our arrival at Kure Beach, North Carolina.

Our first few months here were idyllic.  Spring 2012 was pleasant with abundant sunshine.  Lugging chairs to the beach we would simply sit and stare out over the ocean, watch the birds, watch the fishermen and locals who walked along the sparcely attended shoreline.  Once, we witnessed the process of evaporation - moisture rising off the ocean, cooling the air - and felt its immediate effect.  Sometimes we would talk but more often our companionable silence stretched long and deep.  Sinew by sinew my back, shoulders and neck relaxed, gradually, bringing daily noticeable differences.  Sleep was deep and sound.  Solitary meditative beach walks matched the rhythm of the tides - slow, deliberate, silent.  Collecting beach treasures became my new passion. 

And why?  Why collect bits of nature?  Why do I relish the feel of a barnicle-crusted old shell in my hand?  Why must I collect fossilized teeth, bone and barbs? Why do I feel the need to display them, touch them over and over, inhale their briny scent?

I think it's because I'm collecting pieces of myself.

Treasures that interest me are not the usual shells but those that are worn.  Pieces, even. I was worn upon arriving here, and in pieces. 

Initially, I became passionate about pieces of clam shells.  I didn't know at first what they were, but stripes of deep purple, lavender and mauve undulating through smooth creamy pieces caught my eye. I found one.  Then another, and another, and another. Before long I had quite the collection, and they are now proudly displayed in clear glass vases and bowls.

Clam shells are common along the shoreline but they aren't particularly pretty.  Clunky, brown things like a horse's hoof can be readily found any given day.  However, these clunky brown shells contain a miracle within.  As the surf and currents pound them up over time they break up, the brown parts break off and the inner bits of shell are polished by the ocean and sand into these creamy purply bits of loveliness. 

I like to think that's happening to me, to my soul.  The brown, clunky, tired, weary soul I dragged to this place is gradually breaking up, being polished, exposing a soft loveliness inside.

Having always been active and creative, goals were penned before coming here.  More photography, volunteer with the turtle project, write a book, join a land trust, journal and meditate, learn yoga and Reiki. 

However, what I did instead was simply stop.  Stop.  I stopped and I breathed.  At first, my lungs always felt like I'd been swimming when all I did was walk the beach.  The fresh salt air scrubbed my lungs.  Walking serpentine sands strengthened my back, my legs and I turned tan and my hair lighter. My long-neglected body finally felt firmer, felt better, felt healthier, felt rested.

So it has been a year and I think I'm finished resting. I'm beginning to feel the pull of my creative and wonder what direction it will take me.  It's time to begin filling in that blank white page.

Changes

  I've been involved in introspection.

Meditation.

Immersion.

Sensation.

Absorption.

Learning.

Silence.

Walking.

Collecting.

Thinking.

Learning more.

Giraffe Head Tree, as a blog, is not right anymore.

There is no Giraffe Head Tree in my life.

The inspirational tree is in my mind and always will be.

But it's my past; not my future.

To blog again I must make changes.

Internal and external.

My new personal journey is begging to be told.

But not here.  

Or here.....but a different "here."

I'm thinking...

Change up the place.

Redecorate.

Freshen.

Breathe new life into this personal space.

Give it a new name.

Are you still there?

Today's Challenge

Today's challenge:  Clearing out my hoop.

A very, very, very wise woman once demonstrated to me a clear and easy way to think about the effects others have in my life that I ALLOW.  You see, I can be a sponge - soaking in everything, every word, every action made by others and allowing these things to color my world. I take things personally all too often.

It isn't healthy, and for someone entirely too sensitive - like me - it can be very damaging to my body, my soul, my very health.

This wise woman held up two hands full of colorful hoops.  There were yellow ones, pink ones, orange ones, silver ones, blue and red ones, and one green one.  "Choose your hoop," she instructed.  I chose the green hoop.  Green, cause I'm a treehugger.  Not surprisingly.

"Step inside your hoop, so that it surrounds you."  I did as instructed.

"Think of who are closest to you.  Those who have the greatest influence on your life."  Orange for my husband.  Pink for my daughter.  Blue for my father.  Silver for my mother.  Yellow for my sister.  "Demonstrate where they are in your hoop - the more they are inside your hoop, the more they are influencing your emotions, your health."  (Note:  I'm paraphrasing - she said all this stuff much better than I remember!)

I'd been working hard on these relationships for some months.  Most hoops were firmly outside of my personal hoop, but one remained within.  This hoop leaned  up against my legs.  Not good.  This hoop is my biggest struggle.  Fast forward to today. Today, it's practically leaning vertically against my knees. I aim to shove it away.  Granted, I've come a long way.  This particular hoop usually stays outside my own.  Sometimes it is very, very far away.  Today, I have allowed it right back inside my hoop.  It's time to give it an emotional shove.  

It's up to me to bring my mind back around into a more healthy state of being.  Concentrate on myself, my world.  Today, this morning, watching the sunrise on the beach, pelicans and northern gannets flying and swooping, wild waves crashing, this quote came to mind:

"Don't take anything personally.  Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering."  (Don Miguel Ruiz)

Flashback:  Remember my post about Impressions?  Well, I tend to weigh every word I say, thinking I may damage someone's psyche.  Really?  I don't have that kind of power but perhaps really I'm thinking about how I allow people's words to effect ME, not them.

Don't take anything personally - got it.  Today, that's my mantra, my chant, until I can feel it deep in my soul. No more needless suffering.  I am a strong woman.  I'm going out into nature today to breathe in Spirit.